The ULTIMATELY Secure Firewall

(Adaptive Packet Destructive Filter)

Installation Instructions

For best effect install the firewall between the CPU unit and the wall outlet. Place the jaws of the firewall across the power cord, and bear down firmly. Be sure to wear rubber gloves while installing the firewall or assign the task to a junior system manager. If the firewall is installed properly, all the lights on the CPU will turn dark and the fans will grow quiet. This indicates that the system has entered a secure state.
For Internet use install the firewall between the demarc of the T1 to the Internet. Place the jaws of the firewall across the T1 line lead, and bear down firmly. When your Internet service provider's network operations center calls to inform you that they have lost connectivity to your site, the firewall is correctly installed.

If I had a dollar....

If I had a dollar for every time I've seen someone post "I need a 100% secure firewall, that lets me do everything" I'd be retired by now.

The fact is, that if you're connecting your network to anything else, you're running a risk. Period. Usually, that risk can be reduced, often dramatically, by employing basic security precautions such as firewalls. But a firewall is a risk reduction system, it is not a risk mitigation system -- there is, always, some danger that something can go fatally wrong with anything built by humans.

The firewall above is the only 100% guaranteed secure solution.